God, Where Are You?

 

By Andrea Merrell

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 MSG

 

“I’ve been to hell, and I’m only halfway back,” I told my husband. Not something I would normally say but exactly how I felt after a recent back surgery.

After twenty-five-plus years of chronic back pain, I made the decision about surgery with peace, confidence in the surgeon, and more prayer covering than I could have ever hoped for. It seemed the Lord brought everything together, including the timing. My stay in the hospital was to be no more than three days.

But when I should have been preparing to go home, things took a nosedive. I had a reaction to the anesthesia, which set off a firestorm inside me and kept me in the hospital for eight days instead of three. I was so sick I could barely function or even think. During one of the darkest times of my life, I felt as if the Enemy was trying to take me out. That’s when I said, “God, where are you?”

As always, He was right there with me, but in the same way Peter took his eyes off Jesus and focused on the storm swirling around him, I focused on my circumstances. I was afraid and let fear get the best of me. I panicked, wondering if I would make it. I tried to pray, to call out to the Lord, but my body screamed louder than my prayers. My dependence remained on those I knew were interceding for me.

When back home and things were a bit more settled down, I cried as I asked God to forgive me for thinking even for a moment that He had abandoned me. I was sure I had let Him down. I let myself down.

That’s when I heard Jesus whisper, Remember, I felt that way once too.

God has promised to never leave us or let us be pushed past our limit. Even when we’re sure we can’t take another horrendous moment, He is right there with us, ready to help us come through victorious. And when we falter in our faith, He forgives, restores, and tells us not to be so hard on ourselves. We are, after all, human beings, in a fragile, temporary body, subject to a curse that fills the earth.

But one day we will stand before Him in a place prepared for us where there are no tears, no sorrow, no pain, and no more death. I’m looking forward to that day, but until then I will trust Him with my whole heart.

How about you?

Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash