The Perfectionist Trap

 

By Andrea Merrell

How foolish can you be? After starting your new lives

in the Spirit, why are you now trying

to become perfect by your own human effort?

Galatians 3:3 NLT

For so many years, I thought everything in my life had to be perfect—my hair, my clothes, my house, my car, my words—so people would love and accept me. That misguided thinking bled over into my relationship with the Lord. As a people pleaser, I also worked hard to please the Lord. If I didn’t do everything just right or measure up to my own self-imposed standards, how could He possibly love and accept me?

The truth is perfectionism is a trap that holds us back from receiving God’s unconditional love, acceptance, and approval, as well as those around us. We can never fully experience God’s peace or a sense of well-being as long as everything associated with us has to be flawless.

One writer says that perfectionism is a “mindset of self-defeating thoughts and behavior aimed at reaching unrealistic goals.” When we live this way, we set ourselves up to fail each day because we think our accomplishments are never good enough. When we fall short of our own expectations, it only drives us to try harder—or to stop trying at all.

The good news is that God knows us better than we know ourselves and accepts us just as we are—our faults, imperfections, and weaknesses—and He gives us the ability to love and accept ourselves. And according to Galatians, no matter how hard we strive to do and be better, it is the Spirit’s job to change us, not our own human efforts. The Message translation brings it home:

Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God’s Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren’t smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!

Don’t let yourself get entangled in the perfectionist trap. Instead, strive for excellence: doing the best you can with what you have and what you know.

There is nothing—and no one—perfect except our Lord.

Photo courtesy of Microsoft 365.

Who Are You Trying to Please?

 

By Andrea Merrell

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit,

but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Philippians 2:3 NKJV

 

For so much of my life I was a bona fide people pleaser. Unsure of myself and lacking a healthy sense of self-esteem, I tried to be and do what I thought everyone else expected of me. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my efforts were rooted in pride and selfishness. I cared more about what people thought about me than I cared for those people. 

My misguided and performance-oriented efforts led to nothing more than hopelessness, anxiety, and feelings of being less than, never good enough. I was seeking acceptance and approval in the wrong places.

The apostle Paul tells us in Philippians that we should esteem others better than ourselves. The NLT says it like this: “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”

Once I found my true identity in Christ and took my focus off myself, I learned to be less self-conscious and more God-conscious. My approval and acceptance come from Him, and He is the only one I need to please—not others and not even myself. That revelation set me free to love others without any selfish motives.

One writer says that we should care about others even when they don’t care about us. That’s the love of God in action.

So ... who are you trying to please?

Photo by Ricky Kharawala on Unsplash

Are Your Words Producing a Good or Bad Harvest?

 

By Andrea Merrell

Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

Galatians 6:7 NKJV

 

As the woman shared all her woes for the week, the group discussion went down the proverbial rabbit hole as each woman attempted to one-up the other. “You think that’s bad, let me tell you …”

Some say if not for bad luck, they’d have no luck at all. And there’s always good old Murphy’s Law that says anything bad that can happen will happen.

Not only are these negative mindsets unhealthy and unscriptural, they’re contagious. They put us in a position of sowing bad seed which produces a bad crop. That’s the law of sowing and reaping found in Matthew 13. What we plant is what we reap. Or to put it plainly, what we give is what we get back.

We don’t realize how much power our words carry—both good and bad. James calls our tongue “an unruly evil full of deadly poison” (3:8 KJV). Proverbs tells us that “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (18:21 NKJV).

When we want something different, we have to do something different. When we keep saying and doing the same old things, we’ll keep getting the same old results.

Jesus said in Mark 11:23 that we can have whatever we say—when we believe (His Word) in our hearts and have no doubts. That’s how faith works.

Let’s make a decision to be careful with our words and intentional about the seeds we’re sowing because we will reap what we sow. That’s a fact.

Photo by Volkan Olmez on Unsplash

Narrow Your Focus

 

By Andrea Merrell

Set your mind on the things above, 

not on the things that are on earth.

Colossians 3:2 NASB 1995

The woman was stressed, frustrated, and completely burned out. Unable to say no, she had committed herself to so many projects, she could never keep up. She had spread herself so thin, she wasn’t doing anything well.

“You’re trying to do too much,” the counselor said to the distraught woman. “You need to cut some things from your life and narrow your focus.”

Every one of us is looking for a positive focus. Many find their identity in what they accomplish or acquire. It might be a job, a sport, or a hobby. It could be a child or other family member. It might mean working too hard or volunteering for every project that presents itself. Or it could simply mean trying to please one’s self above all else.

The truth is God planted that longing in the human heart, and He is the only One who can fully satisfy it. The Bible tells us to set our minds on things above, not on earthly things. That’s where our main focus should always be. You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3 NLT).

When we put God first and take delight in Him, He promises to give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). Satisfaction. Peace, The desires of our heart. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. How about you?

Do you need to narrow your focus?

Photo by Donald Teel on Unsplash

Are You in Alignment?

 

By Andrea Merrell

Present your bodies a living sacrifice …

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Romans 12:2 NKJV

 

The car was so far out of alignment that it constantly pulled to one side, making it hard to stay on the road. It finally became undriveable and had to be put in the repair shop.

We can be just like that car, out of kilter, pulling one way or another, making it hard to stay on that straight and narrow path.

What do we do when this happens?

Romans tells us to offer ourselves as living sacrifices and to be transformed by renewing our minds. But how do we do that? The Message translation makes it clear and plain:

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

The key is fixing our attention on the Lord. Hiding His Word in our hearts. Putting on the mind of Christ. Bringing our thoughts, words, and actions into agreement with His.

Romans 8:6 says that “to be spiritually minded is life and peace” (KJV). It’s a matter of allowing the Spirit of God to control our thought life and bring our soul into agreement with our spirit. 

That's how we stay in perfect alignment.

   

Photo by Edz Norton on Unsplash